Black and white bowl us out, no?

I recently had an awakening about my paradigm (mind-set) of why I find it difficult to hear certain people and why it is so easy to hear others.

Last week I negotiated my future with a good friend of mine. Now, I remarked to him that I find our styles and ways incompatible. Before I continue, let me remind you that I find it very difficult to think in terms of right and wrong. This said, neither my friend nor am I right or wrong.

My friend is quite strong in negotiations, the traditional way. He is actually an expert in negotiations because of his experience and academic background. If I was a union representative he would be the last person I would want to negotiate with. He looks at things and he sees what is right about it and what is wrong about it. He has a very good ability to distinguish between right and wrong.

I, on the other hand am not a good negotiator. I have no clue about the first principle of negotiations. What I think I am good at is dialogue – to talk and listen (deeply) until we draw with our words a true picture of reality, understood by both of us in basically the same way.

A day later I had another incident amongst friends where I was talking about my way of viewing change in people. After I laid out my paradigm one of my friends simply ‘cancelled’ my paradigm by remarking she totally disagrees with what I just said. I found myself at a loss of words and just said, “oh”.

The following morning i found my mind kept itself busy with reflecting on my being-at-loss-for-words and the possible reasons for it. I realized I find it difficult to understand people who think in black and white, right and wrong. That paradigm challenges my paradigm. I realized I am more comfortable with dialogue - to talk together. Dialogue, I embrace, even though we might differ in paradigm.

Looking at differences, I think, make me think someone must be wrong. Someone else will most probably be wrong and not me. I can't be wrong, because if I was wrong I would not have believed what I believe. Since I believe what I believe and I don’t want to believe ‘wrong’ things, I surely am right then, ain’t I?

For me, it makes sense to (really) hear one another rather than to think about where someone else differs from me (and are therefore wrong!) May my mind forever rather seek to understand than to judge who is right and who is wrong!